How bad is she??? (warning, grossness ahead)

I'm starting a new feature about our lab-pointer mix, Natasha. We have been unsuccessfully trying to rehome her for almost a year now. She's 9, neurotic, and not very well-behaved. I realize now why the people who had her for the 1.5 years before I got her were giving her anti-anxiety meds. During our recent homebirth we doped her up on valerian.

In her defense, she doesn't get as much attention as she needs. We let her out in the backyard, but we don't walk her regularly. I just can't handle walking her with the two kids. We do try to go out of our way to cut her some slack, but sometimes her bad behavior gets the better of me and I lash out at her in anger. Not nice.

Just how bad is she?

Yesterday she:
* ate a poopy diaper on the bed while I was feeding Kiv breakfast.
* stole from the counter and ate a whole carton of tomatoes from our garden. She left the tomatillos untouched. Last week, she ate a whole carton of raw eggs from the counter.

Today she:
* pooped in front of the door. She refused to set foot outside this morning when Mark tried to take her outside. It was raining and Natasha doesn't like the rain.
* jumped up on the stove in pursuit of an empty pan. In the process, she turned on the gas to one of the burners. Fortunately, I had left open most of the windows in the house and smelled no gas when I came home.

Right now she's shut in the spare room barking at the injustice. I told her that she crapped in front of my door and tried to blow up my house; she's really better off shut away for an hour or so.

Anyone want to adopt her?